Military

Air Force Members Surprised to Learn the Service’s Birthday

September 18, 2021Eric Miller
Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. CQ Brown Jr., Secretary of the Air Force Frank Kendall, and Chief Master Sgt. of the Air Force JoAnne S. Bass cut the cake during the Air Force’s 74th birthday celebration at the Pentagon in Arlington, Va., Sept. 17. US Air Force photo by Eric Dietrich.

Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. CQ Brown Jr., Secretary of the Air Force Frank Kendall, and Chief Master Sgt. of the Air Force JoAnne S. Bass cut the cake during the Air Force’s 74th birthday celebration at the Pentagon in Arlington, Va., Sept. 17. US Air Force photo by Eric Dietrich.

Happy Birthday, Air Force!


Today the United States Air Force celebrates 74 years of being the branch that everyone hates but secretly wishes they had joined. On Sept. 18, 1947, the United States Air Force was created and took the easiest job the Army had away from them — along with all of the funding. The United States Air Force has a short but sweet history of flying over battles and being a fantastic private airline for the other branches, so the least we could do in return is say thanks and help them celebrate their very special day. 


To commemorate the event, Coffee or Die asked five Air Force members what the service’s birthday means to them. 


An airman is visibly stunned to learn it’s the Air Force’s birthday. US Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Emma James.

Senior Master Sgt. Bill Matthews


“I got an email about this earlier this morning. I was told that my official opinion is as follows: I feel extremely proud and honored to be a part of the storied history of the United States Air Force. For [checks piece of paper in pocket] 74 years now, the United States Air Force has [deep sigh] dominated the skies and kept a watchful eye over America and her horizons all while staying true to our motto of [checks piece of paper in pocket] To fly, fight, and win … airpower anytime, anywhere.”


Probably a former Army Air Corps pilot weighing in on the Air Force’s birthday. US Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Ridge Shan.

Airman 1st Class Gary Lambert


“Ohhh. That’s what the cake in the break room was for. Yeah, I caught our lieutenant writing ‘Happy Birthday AF’ on a cookie cake from Walmart this morning. I’ve been walking around all day trying to figure out whose initials are AF. I read it as ‘Happy Birthday As Fuck,’ but this makes way more sense.”


Air Force
A member of the Air Force pretending to know that today was the Air Force’s birthday. US Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Mackenzie Richardson.

Staff Sgt. Laura Knallay


“I don’t know why we’re celebrating this, to be honest. The Army is hundreds of years old, and we’re 74. My grandpa is 74, and all we did for his birthday was drop off cupcakes at the nursing home and sing happy birthday. He fell asleep halfway through, and we just left.”


Air Force
A photo of an airman deployed on the ground in a combat zone, also known colloquially among the other services as “a unicorn.” Photo by Staff Sgt. James L. Harper Jr.

Airman Matthew Wilson 


“Why would I celebrate the Air Force’s birthday? It didn’t celebrate mine. Do you know what the Air Force did for me on my birthday last year? It made me work. Thanks, Air Force. Must be nice to have your birthday land on a weekend, hypocrite!”


Air Force
The excitement was palpable. US Air Force photo/Scott M. Ash.

Technical Sgt. Katie Smith


“No, I didn’t realize the Air Force’s birthday was today. Well, happy birthday, Air Force! How old is it? 74? Wow, it’s getting up there in years. If the Air Force was a person it would be walking around with weird crusty white stuff in the corners of its mouth. You know what I’m talking about, right? How old people have that weird white residue in the corners of their mouths? What is that? I always kind of thought it was denture cream — or mashed potatoes. Maybe it’s dried spit? Like, they fell asleep and the spit kind of gathered up on the corners of their mouth and solidified. Would spit do that? I mean, what liquid gets crusty after setting for a while? I wonder if that hurts when they peel it off? Or maybe it kind of flakes off like dandruff? I bet they eat it without knowing. I don’t know. Anyway, happy birthday, Air Force!”


If you haven’t figured it out yet, this is a satire article — a work of fiction. None of the service members pictured were interviewed, and their names were changed to prevent them from getting canceled and/or in trouble with their command.


Read Next: Is the Air Force Replacing Coffee Breaks With Nerve Stimulation?



Eric Miller
Eric Miller

Eric Miller is a former Army Combat Medic from Parkersburg, West Virginia. He holds a bachelor’s degree in history and has worked with homeless populations and veteran services throughout the state. He is an avid outdoorsman and has recently become interested in woodworking.

More from Coffee or Die Magazine
Coffee Or Die Photo
From the Team Room to Team Room Design: An Operator’s Creative Journey

BRCC partners with Team Room Design for an exclusive T-shirt release!

Coffee Or Die Photo
Get Your Viking On: The Exclusive 30 Sec Out BRCC Shirt Club Design

Thirty Seconds Out has partnered with BRCC for an exclusive shirt design invoking the God of Winter.

Grizzly Forge BRCC shirt
Limited Edition: Grizzly Forge Blades on an Awesome BRCC Shirt

Lucas O'Hara of Grizzly Forge has teamed up with BRCC for a badass, exclusive Shirt Club T-shirt design featuring his most popular knife and tiomahawk.

BRCC Limited Edition Josh Raulerson Blackbeard Skull Shirt
From Naval Service to Creative Canvas: BRCC Veteran Artist Josh Raulerson

Coffee or Die sits down with one of the graphic designers behind Black Rifle Coffee's signature look and vibe.

Medal of Honor is held up.
Biden Will Award Medal of Honor to Army Helicopter Pilot Who Rescued Soldiers in Vietnam Firefight

Biden will award the Medal of Honor to a Vietnam War Army helicopter pilot who risked his life to save a reconnaissance team from almost certain death.

dear jack mandaville
Dear Jack: Which Historic Battle Would You Want To Witness?

Ever wonder how much Jack Mandaville would f*ck sh*t up if he went back in time? The American Revolution didn't even see him coming.

west point time capsule
West Point Time Capsule Yields Centuries-Old Coins

A nearly 200-year-old West Point time capsule that at first appeared to yield little more than dust contains hidden treasure, the US Military Academy said.

  • About Us
  • Privacy Policy
  • Careers
Contact Us
Contact Us
© 2024 Coffee or Die Magazine. All Rights Reserved