Exclusive: Boot Marines Divulge Illicit Details of Battalion-Wide LSD Trip

December 4, 2020Ethan E. Rocke
Coffee or Die Photo

The Marines were somewhere around their motor pool on Camp Lejeune when the drugs began to take hold.

That’s according to Pfc. Stockton Fitzgerald, one of two Marines from 2nd Marine Division’s Combat Logistics Battalion 2 who have come forward as whistleblowers in the wake of a scandal that they say the division’s leaders are trying to bury with an elaborate cover-up.

“If you’ve never seen a Marine staff sergeant strip off all of his gear and clothing on the back of a moving 7-ton packed full of Marines and angrily fire off an entire 30-round magazine of blank rounds at a swarm of nonexistent bats, I can tell you, it’s a pretty jarring sight,” Fitzgerald told Coffee or Die Magazine in an exclusive interview from the Marine Corps Installations East Regional Brig. “Especially when you’re just starting to feel the effects of the LSD yourself. Like, the bats were really fucking there, man. I swear to God, Staff Sgt. [Evan] Manley shot at least 10 of them.”

In a separate interview from the brig, Pvt. T.M. Leary said he could not confirm Fitzgerald’s claims about the bats, but he’s confident that every Marine in the unit ingested LSD about an hour before loading up on trucks July 6.

“Somebody definitely spiked the battalion’s water buffalo with acid … again,” he said.

Leary said he watched a shocking spectacle unfold that day as the CLB-2 Marines headed out on what was supposed to be a weeklong training exercise.

“I didn’t put it all together until way after I came down,” Leary told Coffee or Die. “At the time, I was too caught up in the mind-blowing scene, and you know, the fact that I was tripping my fucking balls off.”

Leary said after Manley unloaded a full magazine of blanks into the air above them, every other Marine on his truck recoiled from the violent sound and fury, and all instinctively threw their rifles off the back of the vehicle before aggressively stripping naked.

Marines LSD satire, Tripp Ainsworth
Buy the ticket, take the ride, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. Photo illustration by Tripp Ainsworth.

“Dudes were hugging each other like hungry babies hug their mama’s boobs, ya know? Some dudes started kissing and licking each other. We have this one female Marine — Jackson. She’s the only Marine on the truck who didn’t make out with somebody else. I mean, she stripped down too, but she only seemed to be interested in licking herself. I don’t blame her either. Jackson’s a smoke show,” Leary — who wears a creepy John Waters ’stache — said while making an exaggerated gesture of winking and nodding.

Asked if he thought MDMA, or ecstasy, might have been a factor, Leary replied, “Nah, I’ve, uh, heard that LSD has a way of unlocking doors in people’s minds, and GAY is a door the vast majority of Marines are just looking for an excuse to walk through, ya know?”

(We actually do know.)

“It’s not gay if you’re underway, amiright?” Leary added slyly.

Coffee or Die confirmed with Navy officials that a 7-ton truck in motion does not count as being “underway.”

Fitzgerald said the entire battalion spent a whole day in the field just riding out their trip.

“The uniform of the day was a poncho liner secured around the shoulders like a cape, untied boots with no socks, and a light coat of CLP,” he said. “When I say it now, it sounds super weird and arbitrary, but at the time, it felt like the most perfect uniform ever conceived. We were riding this beautiful hive mind wave for a while there, man. It was actually the most beautiful spiritual experience I’ve ever had. Felt like God was singing a lullaby to my soul. Most of the Marines I’ve talked to feel the same way, and all of us are like, ‘Fuck this war bullshit, dude.’ We’ve seen the truth now. Our eyes are open. There’s no going back to all that rah-rah warrior shit for these cats, you dig?”

Fitzgerald said the battalion’s sergeant major had those Marines who didn’t throw their rifles away establish a security perimeter around their area of occupation, and he ordered them to shoot on sight anyone who “doesn’t have the aura.”

“We cracked every chemlight in the battalion that night, and the docs passed around vapor rub for everybody,” Leary said. “I felt like I was that dude from Avatar, and I kept trying to shove my ponytail in everything.”

Leary is bald.

Inside the twisted mind of a Marine. Artwork by Tripp Ainsworth.

Marine officials have denied that the events Leary and Fitzgerald allege ever took place, and the two Marines, who happen to be the most junior members of the battalion, claim they’ve been made to take the fall for whoever spiked the battalion’s water supply with the drug that day.

Division officials announced a massive overhaul of the division’s drug-testing policy in the wake of the incident, and the division will begin testing regularly for LSD use.

“Previously, the Department of Defense drug lab only accepted individual samples for testing of LSD, pursuant to law enforcement requests,” officials said in a statement. “LSD screening hasn’t traditionally been standard practice across the Department of Defense. The push to make common testing the norm within 2d MARDIV not only makes the division a leader in striving to maintain its preeminent battle readiness, but also allows the division to set an example for others wishing to eradicate drugs within their ranks to follow.”

The statement said the policy shift is necessary “to continue to uphold [2d MARDIV’s] high standard as a premier fighting force.”

Asked to comment, Leary made an elaborate fart noise before saying, “Whatever, man. Everybody knows we’re the turd division. I signed up for the Blue Diamond — 1st MARDIV — and somehow I ended up in the brig after getting drugged and forced to participate in what amounts to a mostly gay orgy in the backwoods of North Carolina. This is such bullshit.”

Editor’s note: Just in case you haven’t figured it out, this is a satire article and is in no way meant to be an accurate depiction of actual events. Stay safe, and Semper Fi!

Ethan E. Rocke
Ethan E. Rocke

Ethan E. Rocke is a contributor and former senior editor for Coffee or Die Magazine, a New York Times bestselling author, and award-winning photographer and filmmaker. He is a veteran of the US Army and Marine Corps. His work has been published in Maxim Magazine, American Legion Magazine, and many others. He is co-author of The Last Punisher: A SEAL Team THREE Sniper’s True Account of the Battle of Ramadi.

More from Coffee or Die Magazine
Coffee Or Die Photo
From the Team Room to Team Room Design: An Operator’s Creative Journey

BRCC partners with Team Room Design for an exclusive T-shirt release!

Coffee Or Die Photo
Get Your Viking On: The Exclusive 30 Sec Out BRCC Shirt Club Design

Thirty Seconds Out has partnered with BRCC for an exclusive shirt design invoking the God of Winter.

Grizzly Forge BRCC shirt
Limited Edition: Grizzly Forge Blades on an Awesome BRCC Shirt

Lucas O'Hara of Grizzly Forge has teamed up with BRCC for a badass, exclusive Shirt Club T-shirt design featuring his most popular knife and tiomahawk.

BRCC Limited Edition Josh Raulerson Blackbeard Skull Shirt
From Naval Service to Creative Canvas: BRCC Veteran Artist Josh Raulerson

Coffee or Die sits down with one of the graphic designers behind Black Rifle Coffee's signature look and vibe.

Medal of Honor is held up.
Biden Will Award Medal of Honor to Army Helicopter Pilot Who Rescued Soldiers in Vietnam Firefight

Biden will award the Medal of Honor to a Vietnam War Army helicopter pilot who risked his life to save a reconnaissance team from almost certain death.

dear jack mandaville
Dear Jack: Which Historic Battle Would You Want To Witness?

Ever wonder how much Jack Mandaville would f*ck sh*t up if he went back in time? The American Revolution didn't even see him coming.

west point time capsule
West Point Time Capsule Yields Centuries-Old Coins

A nearly 200-year-old West Point time capsule that at first appeared to yield little more than dust contains hidden treasure, the US Military Academy said.

  • About Us
  • Privacy Policy
  • Careers
Contact Us
Contact Us
© 2024 Coffee or Die Magazine. All Rights Reserved