Entertainment

Canadian Paratrooper in Hot Water for Cracking Open a Cold One During Airborne Op

September 7, 2022Eric Miller
Canadian Paratrooper

A Canadian paratrooper decided it was Miller time mid-way through a jump. Screenshot from Twitter.

An unnamed Canadian paratrooper has come under fire for cracking open a cold one on the job. What’s this world coming to when a man can’t enjoy a Miller Lite while slowly descending to earth under the privacy of his own canopy?

Late last week, a now-viral video began circulating on various social media platforms. It depicts a Canadian paratrooper gently gliding over a lake in Petawawa, Ontario, enjoying a brew and saying simply, “The government,” as he shakes his head in presumed, and very understandable, disapproval.

Anyone who’s ever served in the military knows exactly what this guy’s talking about. We’re with you, brother. *Opens second 12-pack of the day* 

Canadian National Defense spokesman Dan Le Bouthillier said Saturday that an investigation into the incident has been initiated and that the soldier in the video left the Canadian military on Sept. 1.

“The conduct of the soldier is completely inappropriate, unsafe and not in accordance with Canadian Army safety static line parachute procedures,” said Le Bouthillier, sounding like a real buzzkill. “It is important to note that the code of service discipline still applies to retired members for breaches that occurred while serving.”

Look, we don’t condone drinking on the job, but let’s be real about what this is: a case of wounded national pride. Had the paratrooper opened up a bottle of Labatt Blue, for example, there would be no scandal. His mistake was drinking Miller Lite. But can we blame him? No. Labatt Blue is basically just Canadian toilet water.

Although we don’t have a complete picture at this time, it appears as though the soldier may have been on his way out of the military and wanted to commemorate his last jump in a silly/special way. We all had similar ideas when we were in, but very few of us actually acted on them when the time came. For example, I planned on taking a dump on the commander's desk the day I ETS’d, but ultimately didn’t because I couldn’t. It's tough to poop under that sort of pressure. Moving on.

Regardless of the context, was this a smart stunt for a soldier to pull in uniform? No. There’s no arguing that. The real question is should this guy catch heaps of shit and be subject to punitive action now that he’s out of the military? The answer to that is a resounding no.

It was a light beer, Canada. Settle down.

Read Next: 4 Barriers Astronauts Overcame To Enjoy Coffee in Space

Eric Miller
Eric Miller

Eric Miller is a former Army Combat Medic from Parkersburg, West Virginia. He holds a bachelor’s degree in history and has worked with homeless populations and veteran services throughout the state. He is an avid outdoorsman and has recently become interested in woodworking.

More from Coffee or Die Magazine
Military
DOD Denies Most Stayskal Act Malpractice Claims

Master Sgt. Richard Stayskal was diagnosed with lung cancer long after military doctors missed a tum...

March 29, 2023Maggie BenZvi
ukrainian wounded soldiers
Intel
‘On Tour In Hell’: Wounded Ukrainian Soldiers Evacuated

With bandaged heads and splinted limbs, the wounded soldiers are stretchered into the waiting medica...

March 27, 2023Associated Press
US oil mission
Military
US Launches Airstrikes in Syria After Drone Kills US Worker

While it’s not the first time the U.S. and Iran have traded airstrikes in Syria, the attack and the ...

March 24, 2023Associated Press
The Gift jason dunham
Entertainment
‘The Gift’ Explores the Life and Legacy of Medal of Honor Recipient Jason Dunham

"The Gift" tells the story of the first Marine to receive the Medal of Honor after the Vietnam War. ...

March 24, 2023Mac Caltrider
uss milius
Intel
US Denies Chinese Claim It Drove Away American Destroyer

The U.S. Navy's 7th Fleet said that a statement from China's Southern Theatre Command that it had fo...

March 23, 2023Associated Press
ultramarathon
Military
The Speed Project: Vet Team To Run in Lawless, Invite-Only Ultramarathon

For the first time, a team of (mostly) US veterans and active-duty service members will run in The S...

March 23, 2023Jenna Biter
uranium-based ammo ammunition Ukraine UK depleted uranium
Intel
A Look At the Uranium-Based Ammo the UK Will Send to Ukraine

The British defense ministry on Monday confirmed it would provide Ukraine with armor-piercing rounds containing depleted uranium.

March 23, 2023Associated Press
Zaporizhzhia Ukraine Russia
Intel
Ukraine: Russia Hits Apartments and Dorm, Killing Civilians

“Russia is shelling the city with bestial savagery,” President Volodymyr Zelenskyy wrote in a Telegr...

March 22, 2023Associated Press
  • About Us
  • Privacy Policy
  • Careers
Contact Us
  • Request a Correction
  • Write for Us
  • General Inquiries
© 2023 Coffee or Die Magazine. All Rights Reserved