Great, Now the Russians Have Lightsabers

January 25, 2022Mac Caltrider

Tanks, bombers, and now lightsabers. The Russians have it all. Composite by Coffee or Die Magazine.

With the threat of a Russian invasion of Ukraine looming like a storm cloud over Eastern Europe, international relations are a bit tense. Now, in addition to fielding the most tanks of any nation in the world, Russia apparently has lightsabers, too. 

In a video posted by YouTuber Alex Burkan, the Russian hobbyist revealed what is officially the world’s first retractable lightsaber. He received the Guinness World Record for his creation, which appears to contain enough power to cut through metal. The “lightsaber” is not quite up to Jedi standards, as it only burns for 30 seconds. It’s essentially a giant, self-contained blowtorch. 

Burkan’s not the only sabersmith out there making Jedi weapons in his garage. James Hobson of Hacksmith Industries created an even cooler version, though it requires the wielder to wear a backpack containing liquid propane and oxygen to power the device. 

So, while Burkan’s creation is a dream come true for Star Wars nerds, it’s not quite “an elegant weapon for a more civilized age.” Sure, it can melt the lock off a door and looks cool, but Han Solo was right about lightsabers. Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

Read Next: Israel Says Captured Spy Dolphin Lived and Died by His Own Rules

Mac Caltrider
Mac Caltrider

Mac Caltrider is a senior staff writer for Coffee or Die Magazine. He served in the US Marine Corps and is a former police officer. Caltrider earned his bachelor’s degree in history and now reads anything he can get his hands on. He is also the creator of Pipes & Pages, a site intended to increase readership among enlisted troops. Caltrider spends most of his time reading, writing, and waging a one-man war against premature hair loss.

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